Friday, January 18, 2013

A soliloquy

Solitude is an art form.
It requires a good amount of virtuosity. Perhaps more than PR personnel. Among people, you simply respond to external conditions- their actions, reactions. There are no dynamics externally. Just you. You are the sole passenger, the lone driver on an beautifully enigmatic labyrinthine road.

It requires no pretense. It is not forced. There is no hesitation. Every stroke, every word thought is free, bold and most importantly, original. There is no censorship. There is no criticism. It's like free speech. Just the way it's supposed to be. Just the way you are supposed to be.

Nothing as mellifluous as silence. Or should I write the absence of human voices. Yes, that's more appropriate. You can fill it with anything you like. A song or a scream. It's magical in the sense that you are altering and controlling reality.
You jump on the bed and shout your lungs out for real if you want to. You don't imagine doing it while you're actually sitting among your family members doing something you're not even remotely interested in.

I fell in love with solitude in middle school. I have been floundering in this need for pain and loneliness as much as I savour being with anyone.This deep relationship between my self and my self has brought something to light. I guess I'm fortunate to realise this earlier than people usually do. Sooner or later, you'll come to appreciate that alone is not a choice. It's a fact. We're all alone, in truth. There's no one by you all the time, but you. Even your most loved, most trusted ones will betray you, sooner or later.
But not you. It's not about being incapable of doing things by yourself or "together we can". It's about not trusting them more than you trust yourself.

It's also about defending your space. Every war fought so far since the beginning of time has been about space. Not giving space to others' perceptions or forcing your will and beliefs on them without regard for their space. Don't ever let that happen. Reclaim it, if it does.
Because you are not a fragment of a jigsaw. You are the jigsaw. Because you are not discontinuous or disconnected. You're probably more in continuum with the universe and more connected by being with yourself than anything else.
Because alone is not a synonym for incomplete.

No comments: